chitona | for winnebagos

for winnebagos

[ it should have been a simple drug deal with a repeat customer. for the most part, his drug dealing has gone off without a hitch. he had fewer customers than before, but most of his regulars stuck around, without many other options to buy from.

but clearly, some idiots still had an issue with eddie munson still being in town and not in jail. despite his name being cleared, and some even calling him a hero, not everyone had been so convinced that eddie was not still somehow responsible for the killings. he shouldn't have been surprised, really. some folks have had it out for him ever since he showed up on wayne's doorstep seeking refuge from a family who no longer wanted him.

and now, the town no longer wanted him. he was wrapping up a drug deal when a few of the basketball team cornered him, very obviously having had a couple beers to drink already. it started with name calling, but when eddie tried to brush them off, even avoiding antagonizing them like steve had advised him to do, which went against every part of the munson doctrine, but he was trying to be good. it wasn't good enough for these assholes, though.

so when they started throwing punches, eddie fought back. he's no fighter, though, and ends up nearly getting knocked out. if it weren't for a concerned citizen intervening, he probably would have been completely knocked out.

but thankfully, he still had enough consciousness in him to get back in his van and make it to steve's house. steve, because he isn't about to freak out dustin or his mom right now, especially after dustin already had to watch him almost die on him once. and steve, because he trusts he won't take him to a hospital if he shows up on his doorstep, that steve might actually take care of him without a single question.

he pulls up in front of the harrington house in all its glory, and it occurs to him that he's not even sure if his parents are home or not. or if he's at work right now. but no, if he were at work, the beemer wouldn't be in the driveway, and there isn't another car, so it must be just steve at home, right? he can only hope, as he stumbles out of the van and up the path to the front door, giving it a good couple of loud knocks to make sure steve will hear them no matter where in the house he is.

and then, all he can do is turn so that his back is facing the wall, slide down onto the ground, and wait, eyes clenched together, realization sinking in that this is just his new reality now: tears mixed with blood mixed with shame. ]

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( as eddie correctly deduced, steve is home. his dad is away on business. his mom went with him. steve had arranged his schedule so he didn't have to close family video tonight, so he could go home early and get ready for a date. carla was a girl who'd come into the store one day, the first girl in what felt like forever who didn't mention a boyfriend thirty seconds into their conversation, and who twirled her hair when steve tried to be charming, and she might not have been as hot as phoebe cates, but she was at least in the ballpark. and she's coming over tonight to watch a movie on steve's tv.

the bathroom mirror still bears traces of fog from the shower as steve adds the fourth puff of farrah fawcett spray to his hair and lightly adjusts the pieces with his fingers. he's going over things to say to carla, trying to ignore the dull ache in his chest that could be nerves, or could be disillusionment with the whole dating scene. it could be longing for someone who's not available to him and probably never will be, even after he spilled his heart to her in the upside-down right before they walked into what could've been, and almost was, a suicide mission—

when there's a loud knock from downstairs, loud and sudden enough that it startles steve from his thoughts. he stares out his bathroom doorway, then checks his watch to confirm what he thought—that carla's not supposed to arrive for another forty minutes. she doesn't seem like the type to show up early unannounced. maybe he got the time wrong? but she also doesn't seem like the type to knock that forcefully, the way someone would knock when they know they're not expected. steve curses under his breath, smacking the light switch on his way out of the bathroom as he heads downstairs.

when he opens the door to empty air, he pauses, confused. but then he spots the familiar van in the driveway, and when he steps outside, it only takes him a second to notice the equally familiar person slumped against the house next to the door. )

Eddie?

( where he'd started to feel annoyed moments ago, he now shifts into action, his eyes rounded with concern as he kneels down in front of eddie munson. eddie munson, whose face is wet with what looks like blood and tears. with a little more urgency, steve says, ) Eddie, hey— ( are you okay feels like a stupid question, since the answer seems pretty obvious. so steve skips right over it and goes to: ) Shit, what happened?

[ it's all too easy for eddie to slip into disassociation. he's used to that, to finding a place that feels peaceful for the moment, to protect himself from the horrors of the world.

he's been doing that a lot lately. even without the people still slinging insults at his back and at his face, there's a lot that his brain can't process, like how there's a whole mirror dimension underneath hawkins that's accessible via a gateway opened by a tiny teenage girl. so when steve opens the door and says his name it takes a moment for eddie to blink himself back down to reality, his eyes slowly focusing on steve, recognizing that he's really there and he's not just imagining him. ]

I'm sorry, I shouldn't have -- I should've called.

[ which sounds stupid instantly, when he feels the blood still trickling down his nose, blood that he tries to wipe away with the back of his hand. ]

The basketball team still has it out for me. [ his voice comes out quiet, and wavers a little bit as eddie averts his gaze from steve, looking down at the floor in shame. ] Can't even deal drugs in peace anymore. [ which might not have been the right thing to say, but --

but it makes sense to him that he would try to return to what he knows best. it's not a side job that he's proud of, but he needs a sense of normalcy, and he needs to pay wayne back for being so fucking supportive of him through all of this. nobody else will hire him, so what else is he supposed to do? ]

( when eddie mentions the basketball team, steve's expression hardens. his brows knit together, and his jaw tightens. his eyes track the trickle of blood from eddie's nose, and for a second steve sees just that: red. it's not hard to piece together what might have happened, but he can get the details later. for now, steve pushes that flash of anger back down and puts a hand under eddie's elbow. )

Hey, man—you got nothing to be sorry for. Can you stand? C'mon, let's go inside.

( he helps eddie up—gently, in case it's more than just his face that took a beating—and ushers him inside. before closing the door, steve ducks his head back outside to take a quick scan of the neighborhood. it's not that he cares about being seen with eddie, but the neighbors can be too nosy for their own good, and he doesn't really want to deal with the questions if word gets back to his parents about eddie "the freak and suspected murderer" munson showing up on his doorstep.

but the street looks empty. if someone recognizes eddie's van in the driveway, then so be it. steve shuts the door and turns back to eddie, then leads him down the hall through a door on the left, into the kitchen. ) Here— ( he pulls out one of the barstools in front of the island and gestures for eddie to sit, then skirts the island as he rushes to the sink to grab some paper towel. moving back to eddie's side, he hands him the towels. ) Pinch your nose to stop the bleeding, and make sure to lean forward, not back. And, uh. Just—wait here.

( steve leaves the kitchen and heads back upstairs to his bathroom, where he finds a first aid kit under the sink. he pauses on his way out of his room, grabs his wallet where he stashed a slip of paper with carla's number on it, and shoves it in his back pocket.

moments later, he's back in the kitchen, standing at the island next to eddie. he sets the first aid kit down and pops it open. ) What do you need? Band-Aids? Ice? ( he leans in closer, peering at eddie's face, concern sinking deeper into his own. ) Shit, those assholes really did a number on you.

[ there's a flash of something in steve's eyes that eddie notices, but he doesn't say anything. he wants to believe that steve wouldn't be so stupid as to track down the people who did this to him, but he also has started to get to know steve, and how fiercely he cares about his friends.

he just never thought he'd see the day when he was counted among them. but end of the world bullshit does have a habit of bringing people together, apparently.

he leans against steve when he's helped up, and the arm that isn't being used to cling to steve's side is going to his own side, clutching at what he can only imagine is a fast growing bruise. at least it doesn't seem to be bleeding, just hurts like a bitch.

before he knows it, he's being ushered to a barstool, and everything feels like it's moving in a blur. steve's at his side again, telling him to pinch his nose, but he feels oddly removed from his body. it isn't until steve is back with the first aid kit that it starts to sink in where he is, what's happening right now. ]

Ice...ice would be good. [ he blinks a few times until his eyes finally search for steve's before settling to find a spot on the ground. ]

Wish I could say you should've seen the other guy, but, um. Not sure I got many punches in before they knocked me down.

( something tightens in steve's chest as he watches eddie look at the ground. ) Yeah, well. Wasn't exactly a fair fight, was it? ( hard to get any punches in when it's several against one. ) It's honestly a miracle you walked away. And that's not a slam against you.

( of course those assholes would gang up on eddie. even after everything that happened, they're still a bunch of cowards and shitheads. steve doesn't know why he thought the world nearly ending would change that. it's not like anyone in the town even knows what they did, what eddie did, to save them. but steve just grits his teeth and moves back around the island to the freezer. he can't afford to lose his cool right now. not until he makes sure eddie's going to be okay. but god, does he want names.

after a few moments of rummaging, he returns to the island with and a bag of frozen peas wrapped up in one of his mom's dish towels, but he doesn't hand it over just yet. )

Hey... Look at me? ( he holds up a hand, brandishing two fingers. ) How many fingers am I holding up?

( a history of sports, playground fights, and saving the world has taught steve a thing or two about checking for a concussion. )

[ eddie's head is a mixture of things right now. thoughts of worthlessness and hopelessness, and a hint of fear that this is never going to change. he had tried to give it time, had tried to give these assholes space and no reason to lash out at him.

but clearly they still have it out for him. it feels like no amount of distance from the deaths will make them forget. which easily causes him to start panicking with that feeling like he's being trapped in a corner with no way out.

he stays quiet, concentrating on his breathing to keep the panicking from turning into a full on attack, and is only snapped out of it when steve gets him to look at him, to test for a concussion. ]

Two. [ he swallows slowly, his eyes staying fixed on steve. ] They're never gonna stop, are they? [ his voice is quiet, wavering. ] Not unless I leave.

( the knot of tension between steve's shoulder blades unwinds when eddie says the right number. steve lowers his hand, deciding eddie's dazed look probably has less to do with a brain injury and more to do with shock. as eddie meets his eyes, a new knot forms inside steve, this time in his chest. something about eddie's dark, doe eyes, the way his voice shakes—it tugs on steve's heart. makes his own eyes grow soft.

and then eddie says not unless i leave, and steve's brow furrows. that tugs on his heart in a different way. sticks him between the ribs with a pang of nervousness. ) What? No way, man. You can't think like that. If you think like that, then you're letting them win. You—

( he cuts himself off. sits back a little and rubs his hand over his mouth. he's not even sure where he was going with that, or why he's getting so worked up. he can't blame eddie for wanting to get out of hawkins, especially not after he showed up on steve's doorstep with a face full of blood. hawkins is full of monsters, and they're not all from other dimensions. in fact, most of them aren't.

steve shakes his head the smallest bit as he hands over the bag of peas, finally. ) Here. How's your nose? ( it's not like he's changing the subject, or anything. not like he's redirecting the focus to something he can actually fix. he takes a clean paper towel. his eyes meet eddie's again, before dropping to the blood covering eddie's upper lip. trying to see if it's dry or fresh. ) Still bleeding?

[ eddie feels an ache deep within his core at the way steve tenses up, rushes to his defense, and objects to the mere idea of eddie hightailing it out of here. truth be told, he probably would have run by now if it weren't for the fact that he wanted to stick around for the kids.

yeah, definitely the kids. definitely nothing to do with steve, who happened to be the first person he fled to in the aftermath of this attack. he finds himself shuddering slightly when steve hands him the frozen peas, and he presses it to his injured face, trying to reduce the swelling as much as he can. ]

Hurts like a bitch. [ he flinches slightly when he tries to assess the damage, by flaring his nostrils. ] Not broken though, I don't think, so at least there's that?

[ he manages a sardonic smile and a rolls his eyes, before immediately regretting that because the sudden movement brings on a headache. ]

Doesn't feel like it's still bleeding, though.

( the sight of eddie's smile, however humorless it might be, relaxes something in steve's chest. like maybe eddie's spirit isn't completely shattered after all. i just can't stand to see those doe eyes of eddie's break again, robin said once. steve knows what she meant, now. he hadn't particularly shared the sentiment then—not that he hadn't been worried about eddie, but he'd barely known him, then. he knows him now. he knows that eddie's a good person. that he might be eccentric and weird, but he's also kind and brave. and he sure as hell doesn't deserve the shit this town piles on him.

there's still a knot in steve's throat, but the panic he felt when eddie suggested leaving has ebbed back, somewhat. steve doesn't even know why he panicked. maybe it's because he remembers the look on dustin's face when they weren't sure if eddie was going to pull through after the fight with vecna. maybe it's because it feels like they just got eddie back, and the thought of losing him again so soon leaves steve feeling cold.

but as he watches eddie press the frozen peas to his bloodied face, steve realizes he's being selfish. he looks down at the paper towel in his hands. ) That's... Yeah, that's good, at least.

( he sets the paper towel on the island, swallows around the lump in his throat. )

And, listen... If you want to leave Hawkins, I'm not gonna stop you. ( he pauses, considering. ) The government might, but I won't. Hell, I'll help you pack your bags, if that's what you want. ( he wets his lips, then turns to look at eddie again. ) I just don't want you to feel like you have to leave. Because that's—it's bullshit, okay? Jesus, you saved this town, Eddie. You almost died saving it.

( as if eddie isn't probably painfully aware of that fact. )

This is your home, and if some assholes are giving you trouble, we'll deal with it. I just— ( he flattens his hand on top of the paper towel, then balls it up into his fist. ) You don't have to do it alone...is all I'm saying.

[ he isn't sure what he feels when steve supports his sentiment. he hates that it's even a sentiment that he has to have. he doesn't want to leave, but he has to admit to himself his ties to hawkins aren't that many. he had originally only counted on sticking around long enough to graduate, and now?

somewhere along the line his priorities shifted and he had similar ties as steve. and maybe a tiny part of that tether is steve harrington himself. ]

I don't know what else to do. [ his eyes dart around the room, landing anywhere but steve's, because he knows if he shares eye contact with him, he will break. ] I've tried not engaging in them, but it's like that pisses them off even more.

[ he clenches his eyes shut, tries to force himself to stop crying, even though deep down he knows it'd be much healthier if he just let it out. he has too many memories of his father yelling at him, that "crying is for girls and fags, and i know i didn't raise either of those." what a fucking joke. ]

I just want it to stop. I just want to be able to leave the trailer park without worrying I'm gonna come back with a broken nose. [ and he finally, finally lets his gaze fall on steve, regretting it immediately when he feels something inside him just shatter, as if a dam had just broken and released a waterfall. ] You can't protect me forever, Stevie, much as I appreciate the sentiment. You're not always gonna be able to be there.

( there's a sharp twinge in steve's chest. he doesn't even bat an eye when eddie calls him stevie, like they've been best friends since they were five. no one's called him that since tommy, which should prickle, but steve's more focused on the words around it. it's the you can't protect me forever and the you're not always gonna be able to be there that really smart. a frown pinches his brow, and he drops his gaze to his lap. the look in eddie's eyes is just a little too much, on top of everything else. softly, ) No, I know. I just...

( he sighs. he wishes he had the answer. he wishes he could track down each and every one of the assholes giving eddie shit and threaten them with bodily harm if they came near eddie again. he wonders when he became so fiercely defensive of eddie munson. probably about the same time he started considering eddie a friend. someone important in his life, someone worth defending. someone who he'd miss fiercely if he were gone. and he hates those assholes even more for creating the possibility that eddie could just—leave, and steve wouldn't be able to bring himself to stop him.

after a moment, he meets eddie's eyes again and cocks his head a little to one side. ) I've still got that bat. ( he gestures with his free hand, palm upturned. ) The one with the nails. Feel like if I brought that out, people might think twice about messing with you.

( he smiles, though it doesn't quite reach his eyes. he's joking, of course. kind of. mostly. )

And El does have her super powers back. I'm sure she'd scare the shit out of those dickheads for you, if we asked.

( but it's clear from his tone that he's probably trying to cheer eddie up more than he is providing actual solutions. slowly, his smile dims, until just a hint of it remains. )

[ for as much as eddie keeps catastrophizing, it's the fact that steve is so gung ho on standing by his side that stops him in his tracks. he doesn't expect that from him. sure, they've become better friends in the weeks that passed since vecna nearly took eddie from this world permanently.

how could they not? eddie had been half dead at the time, but dustin's waxed poetically about how awesome steve had been, carrying eddie to safety, making sure he didn't bleed out.

it makes eddie feel strange, slightly off kilter, but in a good way. he's had friends before, hell gareth and jeff were still there, through everything, but this...the way steve would put himself between eddie and his assailants? it's different. ]

You'd really do that for me, wouldn't you. [ it's not a question, but an observation. and to think he used to hate steve by name only. steve harrington, the keg king, had been a mere legend, and now eddie wants nothing more than to lean on him for support. who would have thought? ]

I don't wanna leave. [ it's an admission that he almost feels scared to make, for fear that it'll spook steve away, that he won't want to be around eddie anymore if he realizes what this means to him. ] And I really don't wanna leave you.

( none of them have talked extensively about how they escaped the upside down. at least, steve hasn't talked about it much with anyone. but that's how steve's always been when it comes to this kind of stuff. chin up, eyes forward, act like he hasn't been affected on a cellular level by everything that's happened to him. like his foundations don't have cracks in them. when anyone (mostly dustin) tries to heap too much praise on him for getting eddie out of the upside down, steve insists it was a group effort. and it was—steve just did most of the heavy lifting. he still remembers the hot slick of eddie's blood on his hands and neck. the same blood staining his upper lip now.

before steve can respond to eddie's question that wasn't a question, before he can say of course he'd do that for eddie (and surprise himself by how much he means it), eddie says he doesn't want to leave. that he doesn't want to leave steve. and steve forgets about whatever he was going to say a second ago.

his pulse quickens, and heat rushes to his face for reasons he can't pin down. he searches eddie's eyes for the meaning behind his words. they're friends, so maybe it shouldn't come as such a shock but—he didn't realize his friendship meant that much to eddie. just like he didn't realize how much eddie's meant to him, until eddie talked about leaving.

still, the first thought that comes to mind is, why? why steve? but the first thing that leaves his mouth is: ) Well, yeah. Obviously. I wouldn't want to leave me either. ( one of his trademark cocksure grins tugs at the corner of his mouth. ) I'm awesome.

( but that smile, like all the smiles before it, doesn't stick. dragged down by the weight of the moment. he clears his throat, sniffs, and flicks his thumb over the end of his nose. for some reason, that felt like the wrong thing to say. so after a second, he says, )

But—you know, for what it's worth... I also don't want you to leave.

[ it probably doesn't mean the same thing to steve as it means to eddie, and he tells himself that it's okay. that steve doesn't have to like him the same way, just so long as steve will keep him in his orbit, like a satellite always just out of reach. he tells himself that he could stomach seeing steve date all the women in the world so long as they're still friends, but he knows deep down that he's just lying to himself.

he knows it's stupid. steve is straight, but eddie's always doomed himself by falling for the straight guys, so why should this be any different?

still, he lets himself pretend that maybe, just maybe, a universe exists where they get to be together.

he laughs at steve's joke before he breathes in harshly at steve's admitting that he wouldn't want eddie to leave, and he wants, he wants so badly. but eddie is too used to not getting what he wants to do a damn thing about it.

that doesn't stop him from reaching for one of steve's hands with a shaky one of his own. ]

Then I won't leave. They'll have to drag me away kicking and screaming first.

( the words knock something loose in steve's chest. his expression softens, his face flooded with warmth and relief and—hope? like maybe everything's going to be okay, after all. he starts to smile, and then he notices eddie's hand moving toward his, and he—

he pulls his hand back, on instinct. like recoiling from a hot stove. his brain catches up a second later, and he...immediately feels like a dick. he tries to play it off, taking that same hand and running it through his hair, transferring the motion to his legs as he slides off his stool. ) Well—good. I mean, hopefully there won't be any kicking and screaming. You know...for once.

( god. steve turns away and begins to move back around the island towards the sink. his face feels warm. his heart is beating a little too fast. probably from the shame, because on some level he knows why he reacted the way he did. it's because he knows eddie likes guys, and because eddie said i don't want to leave you, and because steve thought he was going to try to hold his hand—and suddenly steve felt weird in his own skin. but he knows he's probably just reading into things, thinking way too highly of himself, in typical steve harrington fashion. just because eddie likes guys doesn't mean eddie likes him. at least, not like that. idiot.

steve tears off a fresh paper towel from the roll beside the sink, wads it up, and runs it under the tap. he squeezes it once to release some of the excess water—taking a breath to steady himself at the same time—then returns to eddie on the other side of the island. ) Here. You're still a mess, dude. You want me to...? Or—there's a bathroom with a mirror down the hall... ( he hesitates, his hand with the damp paper towel hovering uncertainly in the air between them. )

[ everything is going so well, until suddenly it's not. suddenly steve is pulling his hand away and the next thing eddie knows, he's headed into a spiral. because he's not seeing steve the babysitter, steve the generally good dude, but steve the asshole, steve the douchebag, king steve and --

deep down he knows it's not steve's fault, he should have been more careful and not gotten too carried away, but it still hurts. it hurts to be rejected like this. even worse is the way steve avoids looking at him, as if he's someone to be avoided. he felt invisible, he felt unsafe, like he needed to get out of there, because he's had too many experiences with placing his trust in the wrong person and ending up with a black eye because of it.

he swallows thickly, feeling the panic and embarrassment billowing up as his fight or flight response kicks in. and, of course it's eddie, even though he survived standing his ground once his instinct is always to run. ]

I should... [ he doesn't even look at steve before he's bounding down the hall and to the bathroom, but not to clean himself up, just to put a wall between him and steve, to slide down the wall and hug his knees to his chest.

and all the while he tells himself he's not really a coward if he's still in steve harrington's bathroom, right? he didn't run out the door. only, he is kind of a coward, isn't he? because so long as he's here, he can't be beat up by those assholes hellbent on making his life miserable, on feeding him pain.

he presses the heels of his palm against his eyes, only realizing too late what a terrible idea that is when he remembers how bruised and swollen his own eye is. ] Fucking shit! [ and now he's basically trapped himself. because he knows he won't be able to slip out of this house without running into steve, and after that embarrassing display there is no way in hell he's going to be able to redeem himself. might as well start thinking about leaving hawkins, since there is no way in hell he'll be able to face steve after this. ]

( as soon as he sees the look on eddie's face, steve's stomach sinks. it's that thousand-yard stare he remembers from eddie's time on the run. the one robin meant when she said i can't stand to see those doe eyes of eddie's break again. and steve's the one that broke them, this time. but before he can say anything, eddie's bolting from the kitchen, and steve worries he's going to run out the front door. but he hears eddie's footsteps go the other way, hears the bathroom door close, and for a brief moment, steve relaxes.

...right before he descends into panic again. the damp towel splats onto the counter as he tosses it. he runs his hand through his hair, his other hand on his hip. fuck. fucking...fuck. he fucked up. his heart is beating even faster know, hammering at the base of his throat. he doesn't know what to do, if he should do anything. part of him tries to argue that maybe he's wrong, maybe eddie's reaction wasn't a response to anything steve did. but another part of him, the louder, more adament part, knows that's not true.

steve walks a few steps towards the kitchen door, stops and turns on his heel and walks right back, rubbing a hand over his mouth as he tries to think. he wishes robin were here. he knows what he should probably do, but...what if he just makes things worse?

he hears, faintly, eddie cursing from the bathroom. it pulls steve out of his own head long enough to make a decision. he takes a deep breath, lets it back out with a forceful exhale, and then heads down the hall. he pauses outside the bathroom, steeling himself. head down, gaze trained on the floor. then, he raises a hand and raps the back of a knuckle on the door. ) Eddie... ( he wets his lips. ) You okay in there?

( eddie knows deep down it's not steve's fault. he can't help the way he feels or doesn't feel. he just wishes it didn't feel so much like steve didn't even want to be touched by eddie in any capacity. like things had shifted so much between them that everything they used to be able to do together was no longer on the table. all because eddie had come out to steve.

this would all be so much easier if eddie didn't feel anything beyond regular friendly feelings for steve. why did he have to go and screw this up? his eyes sting with tears, which only serve to make his swollen eyelid throb in pain even more, but like hell is he going to be able to stop crying now.

not when he hears steve's voice just outside the bathroom door. and now he has to face him, shit. )

Yeah, I um. Just give me a minute! ( he knows he can't hide in here forever. sooner or later he is going to have to emerge. eventually he does open the door, and while he's stopped crying, there's still the tear tracks as evidence of what he had been doing. but now instead of sad, he's just so...tired. he thought things would be different, with steve. after everything, after what dustin insisted. but he should have known better, and now he can only hope their friendship is salvageable...if he doesn't end up pulling back while trying to get over these unreciprocated feelings. )

( it feels like a small eternity, waiting for eddie to open the door. time passes in heartbeats instead of seconds, and steve's heart is still beating too fast. but when the door finally does open, something settles in steve's chest. as if he were afraid eddie might never emerge, and seeing him puts that fear to rest. it doesn't help any of steve's other dilemmas, but it's a start.

those other dilemmas come to the forefront when he sees the tearstains on eddie's face. he could almost trick himself into thinking they were the ones from before. but he knows deep down that they're new, and they're his fault. evidence that he's no better than the assholes who gave eddie the bloody nose and black eye and made him want to leave town. god, he hopes eddie doesn't want to leave town again after this.

steve realizes he's been standing in front of the bathroom door for several seconds too many without saying anything. his brow furrows, knitted with guilt. he takes a deep breath before speaking. ) Look, man...

( but then, he hesitates. he doesn't know if he's supposed to apologize. he doesn't know if what he did was actually wrong. all he knows is that it upset eddie, and he feels terrible for that reason. and he just needs eddie to know that he still wants them to be friends. he wants eddie in his life. and the thought of losing him frankly terrifies him.

steve raises a hand to the back of his neck. ) ...Do you want to stay? ( he almost winces, but he doesn't try to take it back. ) I mean, what I'm trying to say is—you can stay, you know, as long as you want. We could—pop in a movie, order a pizza. ( christ. why does this feel more nerve-wracking than asking a girl on a date? ) I just... You don't have to be alone right now. ( he tries to meet eddie's eyes. ) If you don't want to be.

( eddie feels torn in that moment. does he want to run away, race back home and pretend this didn't happen, avoid steve for as long as he can? or push forward, focus on the friendship they still have and ignore the way his heart feels like it's about to crumble?

he knows he's projecting onto steve and needs to stop. it's not steve's fault, eddie should have never put him in this position in the first place. he was stupid to think showing any kind of affection, even platonically, would work with steve. even if he's not the asshole he was back in high school, that kind of conditioning runs deep.

eventually, when steve is done speaking, eddie allows himself to look at steve, their eyes meeting. he doesn't expect to see steve looking so broken, so hesitant, like he might actually scare eddie away if he's not careful. that's what convinces him to stay. )

That sounds nice. Movie and pizza. ( it'd just be him tonight anyway, he remembers his uncle mentioning working a double. ) I don't really wanna be alone tonight.

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for winnebagos

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cw: period-typical homophobic language

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because i couldn't stop thinking about this reply gdi

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