[ if eddie could have done all of this over again differently, he's not sure he would have been able to. he knows as soon as he looks at steve after he says i just wish you'd said goodbye and his heart breaks. steve might use dustin as a buffer, and he might not even be realizing that there's any deeper meaning there -- maybe it's just eddie's wishful thinking -- but he can't help but crumble.

it feels a little selfish now, what he did. he spent so much time absorbed in his own thoughts and feelings, and sure he knew running away without saying anything would suck for his friends, but he had convinced himself it was the only way. ]

I don't feel very smart. [ He laughs, though there's no mirth behind it, just self pity. ] I thought if I'd...I was so sure if I announced my plans that everyone would either try to stop me or...or you'd hate me. And I don't think I could stand seeing either of those things on y- [ he stops himself before revising his words, lest he give himself away too quickly. ] On Dustin's face.

[ besides, he's seen what a steve who's furious at him looks like. but maybe it would've been different if he had a chance to do this the right way. if there even is a right way. ]