chitona | for ididntrun

for ididntrun

[ The first time it happened, Steve chalked it up to a fluke. What else could it have been? Clearly he had dreamt of their attempted attack on Vecna, and when he woke up to Dustin kicking him awake, that they would get it right that time and they would move on, with that initial failure being nothing but a bad nightmare, a fluke of the imagination.

Only it wasn't just one time. The chimes went off again, with the reminder of what they meant for Max. And then Eddie's blood would stain his hands, and he would rush to the nearest bathroom to scrub them off, suddenly incapable of drawing in breaths. And then he would fall asleep next to Robin, and wake up with Dustin kicking him awake once more.

It wasn't until the fourth time that he realized if he kept doing the same thing, that he would never get out of this hell.

He tried little things at first. Switching the order of things before they make it to the War Zone. Letting Eddie drive. Staying in the bus with Eddie while everyone else stocks up on supplies.

But still, Eddie sacrifices himself, and Lucas can never get to Max in time to save her.

It had to have been fifteen times when Steve started to question why. Why him? Why was he the only one who knew they were reliving the same events over and over, desperate to get it right? ]

I don't know if I can watch him die anymore... [ Words that he had uttered to Robin one loop, even if she promptly forgot them the next time he woke up. But at least she held onto those words long enough to ask him, why do you think it hurts so much?

The next loop he kissed Eddie for the first time, only for Eddie to sacrifice himself again. When Steve woke up and Eddie didn't remember any of it, Steve sprinted outside to let out the most guttural yell he could muster.

And all of that culminating to this. His master plan. He had figured out the basics: he needed to warn Erica about the hick that walked his dog by the Creel house; no matter what happened, something would always trigger the vines in the Creel house, but at the same time every loop something caused them to let go; if Eddie and Dustin were the distraction, he would buy Steve more time, every single time.

So, Steve convinces them again. That he's gone through this before, citing all the things he's learned each loop. How Lucas got Max a first edition Wonder Woman comic at a yard sale. Nancy wanted to intern for the Boston Globe. Dustin has a lucky d20 that frequently rolls a 19, and it's blue with white numbers. Eddie claims he doesn't care where he moves to so long as it's not in Indiana and he can drive back to Hawkins to visit Wayne within a day. Eddie learned Master of Puppets in a week after it came out, recording it onto a blank cassette so he could play it over and over, learning each chord. If Corroded Coffin doesn't pan out, he wants to work for a recording studio, even it's just to shadow someone, just to get access to that studio. Eddie wants, Eddie, Eddie, Eddie.

It works, and they're convinced. Steve takes Nancy and Eddie with him to the Creel house in the Upside Down and warns Erica to stay out of sight until the dog walker is gone. Robin and Dustin are to rig one of Eddie's speakers to play on top of the trailer in the Upside Down and reinforce every single fucking possible vent so that they don't have to worry about any bats getting through.

And yet, Steve doesn't feel convinced that this is going to work. But he knows, if it doesn't, he's out of ideas. It has to work. And if it doesn't? ]

Munson, you okay? [ Nancy has given them some breathing room on their long march to the Creel house. He suspects she knows despite Steve not having to say anything. Something about the way Steve looks at Eddie must be extremely obvious. Perhaps because it's the way Steve used to look at Nancy, when he was in love with her. ] We're almost there. We can do this. [ That might be more for his sake than for Eddie's. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ A part of Steve wants to tell him everything that he left out. He had been so desperate to make sure this loop is the one that sticks, involving everyone so that there is no possibility of fucking this up, that he had no time to pull Eddie aside and confess. Tell him how in each of the most recent loops, Eddie would find Steve having a panic attack after each loop, how Steve would tell him, how Eddie's deaths have affected him, how Steve has realized the reason why he cannot cope if Eddie doesn't survive this.

But what if he tells Eddie and this is the loop that sticks? What if he tells Eddie and Eddie rejects him and this is the loop that sticks? ]

It's...just been very difficult. And I'm so scared that there is no way out of it. That there isn't a solution and I'm just doomed to watch you die over and over and over. [ It's not the whole truth, but he figures laying it out like this is safe. Maybe Eddie will read between the lines, realize the reason that this is torture to Steve is because it's Eddie. That Eddie is special to Steve. ]

You're a hero to me. [ So much for being vague and dancing around the truth. ] If you wanna know the truth, you've already saved me. You don't need to prove anything to me.

[ It's really hard to maintain a mediocre of composure when Steve's looking at him the way he is, and tells him that he's desperate to save him. It triggers something in Eddie's chest, a dull ache that he can't quite name. He's sure it's just because Steve Harrington is a badass, just like Dustin had told him he was, and he takes anyone dying on his watch personally.

And apparently Eddie keeps failing him, regardless of what he does. Eddie thinks he'd be pretty desperate too. He tries to imagine having to watch Steve die over and over again and feels a chill move down his spine.

But then Steve says he's a hero and Eddie barks out a laugh before narrowing his eyes at him. ] I'm definitely not a hero, Steve. If you haven't noticed all I've been doing for three days is running. [ He'd run from Chrissy, from the law, from Jason, from the Upside Down. And now he was marching into it again so that he could stare Vecna straight in the face and then promptly run the other way at any sign of danger.

He sighs and shakes his head, reaching out to pat Steve on the shoulder. ] I already told you, you saved your own ass. The only reason I jumped into that lake after you was because the girls shamed me into it.

[ And okay, maybe that's not the whole truth either, but considering how worked up Steve is, he doesn't think he needs to give him any reason to doubt that he will run and hide and free him from this instant replay of his death. ] So, relax. I promise, we'll end it this time. No dying on your watch.

[ Maybe it's best to just leave it at that. He doesn't want to give too much away. It doesn't seem fair to Eddie, who hasn't experienced everything that Steve has.

He also can't help the hurt he feels, even though it's not Eddie's fault. Eddie, who has no idea how hard Steve has fallen for him across the loops. Eddie, who -- as much as Steve might claim he is losing his motivation to keep going to save -- Steve would traverse a thousand loops if there's any hope that he might be saved. ]

And I meant what I said. You don't give yourself enough credit. You're not running now, are you? You could have run out of Hawkins at any time, but you didn't. [ He turns to Eddie suddenly, stopping him in his tracks as he places one hand on each of Eddie's shoulders. There's a look of desperation on Steve's face, and his eyes glance to Eddie's lips for a split second out of habit before he forces them back up to Eddie's eyes. ]

I'm holding you to that. When we get out of it this time? Drinks at my place, yeah?

[ Running now doesn't change any of the times he failed before. And now that his sheep are mixed up in this, Max, Robin, Nancy and Steve - Steve who looks like he's hanging on by a thread - he's not just going to leave town and let them handle it. Especially not after they were the only ones who gave him the benefit of the doubt and came looking for him.

And, Christ, Steve needs to stop looking at him like that and telling him the he's not giving himself enough credit. And did he... had his eyes just dipped to Eddie's lips? Eddie swallows thickly, his eyes widening slightly with realization. He stares at Steve for a moment longer, Steve's hands heavy on his shoulders. ] What else did I tell you, in those loops?

[ He takes a deep breath, searching Steve's face. ] Did I... [ He stops. But ultimately, he thinks Steve already knows. ] Did I kiss you?

[ Steve knows he gave himself away with that simple gesture. But Eddie isn't pushing him away, is he? Of course he isn't, not one single time has Eddie ever pushed him away, even the loops where Steve was the one to make the first move, out of desperation, out of feeling like he might never get to touch Eddie again, if that was the loop that stuck.

He panics for a moment when Eddie asks if he kissed Steve. But if Eddie can keep his feet planted and stand his ground, then so can Steve. ]

You did. [ He smiles an honest smile as he drops his hands from Eddie's shoulders, sliding them down his arms until they grab his hands. ] And I kissed back. [ He squeezes Eddie's hands, his smile fading a little bit as he can't help but remember how it didn't matter, how many times they kissed, that Eddie would always choose to throw himself into danger. To save Dustin, to save Steve, to make up for his past mistakes. ]

[ Considering the shit he's seen in the last few days, Eddie doesn't think there's much left that can surprise him, but he's clearly wrong. He stares at Steve with large, dark eyes, his forehead furrowed slightly as if he's trying to make sense of this unexpected news. ] You did?

[ It's not that he thinks Steve would lie about it, it's just that it seems so unlikely that his brain has short circuited and all he's able to do is stare at Steve's smile and wonder what his lips had tasted like. He watches it fade into something sad and takes a deep breath, breaking out of his stupor and looking back up at Steve's eyes.

He's still looking at him, like he's going to break his heart again by dying on him and Eddie feels a sudden sting of guilt for something he hasn't even done yet. His stomach flips under that gaze and he swallows thickly, speaking slowly. ] So if I were to... [ He steps into Steve's space, crowding him as he brings his face closer but still giving him more than enough time to pull away. He doesn't and Eddie presses his lips against Steve's, tilting his mouth into his.]

[ Of all the things that he's seen and experienced on each loop, it's learning about Eddie that he knows will stick with him the most. He wonders, if none of this had happened, would he still find his way to Eddie? If the original timeline hadn't resulted in Eddie's and Max's death, would things be so different that Steve would have completely glossed over what an important person Eddie could have become to him?

In a strange, strange way, it makes all of the suffering worth it. Because as Eddie steps into his space, as Steve feels himself be magnetically tugged into Eddie's orbit, he cannot fathom what his life would be like without this man in it, without being able to kiss him.

His eyes flutter shut just as Eddie's lips press against his, and Steve wastes no time in kissing Eddie back. He lets go of Eddie's hands so he can slip them around his waist and pull him in closer. ]

[ He thinks he gets it now. How he dies every time. Because he absolutely forgets how to breathe when Steve kisses him back, wrapping his hands around his waist and pulling him in. Not like he's kissed him once, but a hundred times. And maybe he has.

Eddie's sure that the whole forest, including Nancy, can hear his heartbeat as he pulls away to look at Steve. He swallows thickly, his lungs remembering how to work. ] Jesus, Harrington.

[ And even though Steve's holding onto him, he grips Steve's jacket as if he might move away from him. And there's no way in hell he's getting away from him after that. He grins, even if his eyes are still a touch troubled as they take Steve in. ] Well, congratulations. I think I've found a reason to live.

[ No matter how many times Steve kisses him, it always feels like the first time. And maybe because it usually is, for Eddie at least. But that time feels different somehow. Maybe because they both finally understand each other, since Steve hasn't been keeping any secrets.

He would have kept on kissing Eddie if they weren't still in the Upside Down, with Nancy and not too far ahead. But they have a job to do, and if this is to work, he can't let himself get so distracted that they don't make it to the Creel house in time to save Max. ]

Let's hope so. [ he murmurs in response, bringing a hand up to Eddie's hair, casually looping a strand around his index finger. ] We should probably get going, though. Pretty sure Nancy will kill us both if we ditch her.

[ The uneven beat of his heart feels strange as Steve pulls on his hair, intimate and familiar and way too sexy if he wants Eddie to be able to think about anything but his lips and eyes and the freckles on his nose. He feels like he just got hit by a Mac truck.

He was just walking towards certain doom, minding his own business, and then here comes Steve telling him that he's kissed him before. That he's completely fine with Eddie kissing him now. Implying that he'll be a wreck if Eddie dies again and he doesn't know what to do with that. He doesn't know how to file all of this information away. Doesn't have time to think about it as they march onward into what has been his death again and again and again.

He studies Steve's eyes for a moment longer, before taking a deep breath and nodding. ] Okay. Let's make him pay.

But afterwards, I have a lot of questions. [ He pauses. ] And I'm going to need more kissing. a lot more kissing.

[ If Steve flinches a little bit at make him pay, it's only because he remembers what followed those words. He remembers cradling Eddie's body in his hands, feeling like he still had Eddie's blood on his hands the next morning, previous morning, one hundred morning that seem to stretch for a lifetime.

But this isn't that Eddie. And he isn't that Steve. He's got a really good feeling about this one. ]

Yeah, I'll answer every question you've got. [ He laughs at Eddie, pausing to grasp at Eddie's arm and give it a squeeze. ] As for kissing, well. [ He smiles slyly at Eddie as he starts to walk towards the Creel house again. ] I think that can definitely be arranged.

It better be! [ Eddie calls after him, once he's collected himself and tried his best to force down the warmth in his face before moving to catch up with him, walking so close to him that their shoulders keep brushing. He's still trying to reconcile everything and make it make sense when they finally make it to the Creel house. But the sight of it in front of them and the knowledge of what lies in wait ahead of them suddenly overshadows everything else. The danger feels almost like an overbearing physical presence. He glances at Steve, determined as he reaches out and frees Nancy's shotgun to hand to her. Nancy is pale but steadfast as she nods at both of them to say it's time.

Eddie suddenly realizes with a painful squeeze of his heart why he's never made it out alive before. Even scared shitless about what's to come next, a primal part of his brain screaming at him to cut and run, he knows that they're the real heroes. Max, Lucas and Erica in the Creel House on the other side. Robin and Dustin ready to distract the bats so that they can try to end this once and for all. And he's suddenly struck with the knowledge that no matter what he just told Steve back in the woods, no matter how good that kiss had been, that'd he'd do anything to keep the real heroes alive. Especially, Steve.

Especially, now.

He blinks in the greyness of the upside down, eyes shiny and bright as his chest feels like it's collapsing on itself. He already knows he'll do it again if he has to. He only hopes that if he does, Steve can finally stop reliving the loop and let himself off the hook. He clenches his jaw and swallows, falling in line behind the others as they move up the porch to the unbroken door with the stained glass window.

He watches the back of Steve's head, as they move through the doorway as quietly as possible. He wants to tell him he's sorry for every time before. For still not quite understanding that soft look he'd give him in the woods. For knowing that he's going to hurt him again if that's the only way that Steve walks out of here. But the time for talking has passed. Vecna can't hear them coming.

Instead, Eddie thumbs off his rings, sliding them into Steve's pocket when they reach the top of the stairs. Hoping that's enough for Steve to know it's okay. That he should let him go. Eddie wants him to.]

[ Maybe it's the fact that Steve is so hyperfocused on avoiding stepping on the vines. Or maybe it's the fact that he recognizes that the point in which Robin usually triggers the vines hasn't happened and they have managed to get further into the house. Maybe it's the sudden realization that they're so close that keeps Steve from feeling the sleight of hand as Eddie slips his rings into his pocket.

But all matter of hope drains out of him when he realizes that something isn't right. Vecna should have taken the bait by now, but something is telling Steve that he's moved on from Max, that she escaped too quickly.

Or he let her go.

Almost as if he is after something else. ]

Stay close to me. [ He doesn't look over his shoulder to make sure Eddie is following, but he suddenly find that he can't move forward because there's a hand on his shoulder, forcing him in place. A hand that feels much too strong to be Eddie's. ]

Hey, man, cut it out. We're almost there. [ He keeps his voice quiet, suddenly fearing that Vecna will overhear them, will recognize the trap they're trying to set.

Steven, did you really think you could get this far without my noticing?

Steve's blood goes cold, his breath coming in shallow gasps as he turns his head just enough so that he can see out of the corner of his eye it isn't Eddie who is with him, but a grotesque figure wearing a tattered version of his clothes. Vecna.

While Steve is busy battling demons in his head, the only indication that something would be wrong would be Steve frozen in place, his eyes glazed over, ghastly white. ]

[ Eddie lets out an unsteady breath and moves after Steve, wishing he could telegraph what he needs to into the back of his head, right until the point that Steve steps through the door and stops suddenly and Eddie nearly knocks him over by walking into him.

Nancy turns from the sight of Vecna strung up in his spider's web, face furious at the sound of the scuffle, but it shifts into something fearful in an instant and Eddie knows what's happening before she even gets Steve's name out of her mouth. Eddie shifts stepping around Steve and grabbing him by the shoulders, seeing the same white film that he'd seen first in Chrissy's eyes. ] Fuck, no! Steve, don't do this to me. Come on. Come on!

[ Nancy raises her shotgun and fires, determined to end this here and now. Her expression is hard as she is shouting at Eddie to follow the plan. That it's the only way to save him. But Steve's feet are lifting from the floor and Eddie can't breathe. He knows what comes next. Chrissy's death replays in his head, the breaking of bones. The squelching of eyeballs as they were sucked into the back of her head. ] Goddamn it! Steve, listen to me. You've got to hear me. You've got to wake up. Steve! Steve!

[ Nancy's aiming her second shot, only feet away from Vecna when the vines reach for her and slam her against the attic wall. The shotgun falling out of her hands. Black vines wrap around Eddie's wrists, throat and chest and pull him away from Steve to the floor. He hears the glass bottles in pack on his back break, smells gasoline as it soaks through the fabric and watches with rising terror as Steve continues to rise in front of him. ]

[ Steve is kicking himself right now, because of course he didn't account for this, that eventually Vecna would realize that Steve has been messing with time somehow. But there was simply no way he could have predicted that he wouldn't have been too preoccupied with Max to then chase after Steve instead.

While Steve is frozen in place, starting to levitate in reality, the Steve in his mind is running for the door to the Creel House, finding it locked, with Vecna's horrible voice calling to him. Vecna mocks him, throws everything he can at him: his parents, Tommy Hagan, Billy Hargrove, even Nancy and Barb. When he does finally find a door he can use to get out of here, he's thrown right into his own house, though it looks more decrepit and run down, like it's decayed in the time Steve has been in the Upside Down.

His parents taunt him, point out all his weaknesses and his insecurities, and Steve almost gives up, because he knows he's not strong. He's supposed to protect the others, but he couldn't even do that, couldn't protect Eddie all this time, and --

Eddie. He has to keep fighting. He can't leave him, not now, not when they're finally starting to figure all of this out.

So he stops and he thinks, conjuring up every happy memory he can. His first kiss with Nancy; walking down the train tracks with Dustin, setting out bait for Dart; meeting Max for the first time; driving Dustin to the Snow Ball; bathroom confessionals with Robin; his first time meeting Eddie, his first time kissing Eddie, his first time --

When he opens his eyes he's in a different memory. He's in Eddie's trailer, and Vecna is nowhere to be found. Cautiously, he approaches Eddie's bed, sits down on it, and looks around to take in his surroundings. It looks even nicer than he remembers it. Before Chrissy died on the ceiling. He and Eddie had snuck in here one loop under the pretense of changing Steve's bandages, and had wound up fooling around. That brings a smile to Steve's face, and he brings his fingers up to his lips as he can practically feel Eddie's lips as if they had just kissed moments ago. ]

You're not Max.

[ El's voice startles him, and Steve's head jerks to the side when he spots her in the doorway. He relaxes when he realizes that she's not Vecna. ]

Sorry to disappoint. Guess he didn't want her after all.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

for ididntrun

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject