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[ Eddie had accepted that he was dying. It didn't matter if the bats were falling around them, or that Dustin had found his way back to Eddie, despite all of Eddie's attempts to keep him from coming down after him. He had made peace with it. It's not like he had much to live for, anyway. If they had managed to kill Vecna, what proof were they going to find to prove Eddie's innocence?

As far as Hawkins was concerned, he was as good as guilty. And even if he did survive, even if he did get his name cleared, what then? He's still a two-time supersenior with no future. It had always been a pipe dream, running the hell out of Hawkins.

So as he lay there, with Dustin hunched over him, he let go. And he thought to himself, this is it, maybe now he'll find peace.

Only peace never came. Because the next time he opens his eyes, he realizes he's still in that same hell that he thought he died in, only instead of Dustin accompanying his torn-to-shreds body, it's -- ]

Harrington? The fuck is going on? [ His voice comes out strained, and he is suddenly aware of every single part of his body that the bats had torn into. And in that moment he can't help but wish, even just for a moment, that he had died, if for no other reason than to stop feeling that unbearable pain. ]

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( Steve glances at Eddie, a little surprised at the tugging on his shirt, and he finds himself stricken by the sincerity of Eddie's fear. It's not as if it's undeserved. In fact, Steve doesn't know why he himself isn't more afraid — maybe he's just too tired to feel anything else right now, but it's just as likely that he's become too good at lying to himself. He keeps thinking "Nance and Robin will find a way. We're going to be fine." and he tells himself quite firmly that he believes it.

But, deep down, he knows that this is just as likely the end of the road for him and Eddie both. Odds are this trailer will be Eddie's tomb, if not Steve's too, because Steve doesn't know how long his amateur medic skills will keep Eddie going and he hasn't dared to look at his own wounds. There's no telling how rough they look right now.

Something about all of it — the look on Eddie's face, the way he speaks, Steve's own barely suppressed fears — has Steve doing something he wouldn't normally do. He takes Eddie's hand in his, lacing their fingers together, and gives it a squeeze. If they're going to die in the Upside Down (they're not, he reminds himself. Nancy and Robin will come through.), they don't have to feel alone while they do it. )

I'm not going anywhere. Promise.

( Only a few days ago, Eddie had been dismissing Henderson's claims of Steve being a badass and a changed man as impossible. But now, at the end of the goddamn world, Eddie clings to Steve's hand for dear life. It's his only lifeline and the only evidence that Eddie hasn't succumbed to his injuries just yet.

It might only be a matter of time, but at least he doesn't feel like it's so hopeless. Maybe they will get lucky, and that supergirl Max mentioned will find a way to rescue them. Or this may be their end. )

If you told me six months ago I would be hunkering down with you, I would have laughed hysterically and called you crazy. It's gonna sound weird, but...I don't think there's anyone I'd rather be with right now.

( He tells himself it's because out of everyone, Steve is the most capable of getting them both out of here with his athletic prowess and sheer will to survive. But he knows it runs deeper than that. There had been a spark back there - and not just the one he generated while hotwiring the bus. He thinks Steve must have felt it, too, despite Eddie's misguided attempts at nudging him back to Nancy out of fear that he was becoming too transparent. Now, though, there isn't a single solitary reason he shouldn't be honest. It's not like their chances of making this out alive are that great, anyway. )

Yeah?

( Steve isn't as surprised as he feels like he ought to be, and he actually finds he feels some measure of comfort in Eddie's words. He also finds he feels the same and that, in spite of how crazy the past few days have been, in spite of how his feelings for Nancy seem to be sparking back up thanks to literally everyone egging the two of them on, he wouldn't want to be here with anybody else. And if he had any idea about anything related to a certain super nerdy book, he might be reminded of a specific quote —

"I am glad that you are here with me," said Frodo. "Here at the end of all things, Sam."

But he doesn't know anything about that, so he isn't reminded of any quotes at all. He does look over at Eddie, though, and offers a faint, tired smile. )

Me too.

( His thoughts turn back to their wounds, and specifically the fandom classic matching scars they'll have, assuming they live long enough to actually heal. )

Y'know, ( he says, ) I'm pretty sure when we make it out of here we'll technically be blood brothers.

( He's expression sours before he even finishes the sentence, for two reasons:

1. he realizes immediately that that isn't even how blood brothers work.
2. the thought of calling Eddie "brother" or anything adjacent is somehow the most unappealing thing he's ever considered and he hates it. )

Or, uh. Not— I mean — whatever. You know what I mean.

When we make it out, ( Eddie repeats because he would much rather focus on that than the blood brothers thing. It's one thing to consider Dustin like a brother, but Steve? The two of them practically co-parent the little twerp, and isn't that a thought. )

I know what you mean, yeah. ( Eddie can't help but laugh that follows, a slightly bitter tone to it because he wants so badly to believe this will all work out in the end, but he doesn't exactly have a lot of faith. Even if they do make it out, do they have enough evidence to prove Eddie's innocence? The whole thing is insane. )

You're just full of surprises, aren't you, Harrington? ( He looks down at their joined hands and back up at Steve, dopey smile on his face. Later, he might blame it on delirium, but right now, he's fueled by the idea that they might not make it out, so why should he worry about fucking everything up? ) What's the first thing you're gonna do when we get out of here?

Take a shower, ( is Steve's prompt reply, though his actual answer is something along the lines of "go to the hospital so they can load me up on antibiotics and pick the gravel out of my back." That's depressing to think about, though, and their injuries are so on the forefront of his mind right now that he doesn't want them taking precedence in this fun little fantasy where they make it out and get to do whatever they want.

He doesn't know why he says what he says next, though. Maybe it's because he wants to make Eddie laugh, to try to keep his spirits up. ) And, um. I did promise to take you to Enzo's, what, like fifteen minutes ago? So the second thing I'd do is that, I guess.

What about you, man? What're you gonna do?

( Eddie lets out a hearty laugh at that and immediately regrets it when he feels like the air has been punched out of his lungs. He needs to conserve his strength until they can find a way out of this hellhole. He grows quiet at Steve's mention of Enzo's. It does sound like Steve is serious about it. He thought it would be forgotten, along with everything else that transpired down here, but maybe not. Maybe he still hasn't given Steve enough credit. )

Shower, yeah, I'm with you there. But, um. Also, pay my uncle a visit? I'm sure he's been worried sick about me, and I owe him the biggest apology, you know. For putting him through hell and all.

( He frowns, thinking about all of the support Wayne has given him over the year. Just like his old man, he can't seem to stop fucking up. Those Munson men -- always giving each other and the rest of the world a few more grey hairs. )

Hey, it's not like you meant to, ( Steve reasons. He wonders if Eddie's uncle is the type of man who might believe all the bullshit going around about Eddie. He hopes not, but decides not to ask. ) I think he'll get it.

( Hard to say for sure when he doesn't know the guy, but he'd like to think it's true. For Eddie's sake, if nothing else.

His mind wanders to the other things he might like to do once they get out of here, and a twinge of anxiety pierces his chest. This really feels like that old cliche, the one where the parents tell their kid the family dog just went away to live on a farm. It's like he and Eddie are just going through the motions to comfort themselves and make whatever horrible end awaits them more palatable.

He starts to think about all the things he took for granted that he may never get to experience again. Stuff like driving with the windows down in the springtime, dozing off on the couch next to Robin while whatever boring movie she picked blasts on the television. Fresh lemonade in the summer. Hot cocoa in the winter. Stupid little things he never realized he would miss so much. What if the last thing either of them know is this sour, suffocating place?

He realizes his grip on Eddie's hand has tightened without him meaning to, and he loosens it with a weak, apologetic smile. )

My birthday's in a few weeks, ( he says suddenly, but he doesn't really know why he's telling Eddie. (For the record it's not the mystery wikipedia birthday but it's some other Taurus date.) He delivers the news like he's simply reciting a fact: the sky is blue, grass is green, Steve Harrington's birthday is coming up soon. ) I'll be nineteen. ( He wrinkles his nose a little as he says it, as if nineteen is some unimaginably old age. ) Maybe that's what I'll do when we get out of here — throw a birthday party. Like a real one, you know? Cake, ice cream, the whole shebang.

( Regardless of whether Steve knows Wayne or not, it's a nice sentiment. He hopes that it's true. He believes it to be true. If it weren't for Wayne, he doesn't think he would have survived all the shit his dad put him through over the years, just by being a mostly absent father.

He doesn't say anything besides hum in affirmation and reflect on all this. On everything he was going to miss on the very likely chance they don't make it out of here. How he wishes he told his friends he was glad they were around. His chest squeezes a little at the thought of never seeing Dustin again.

Steve's hand squeezing his before gently loosening brings him back to earth. He raises an eyebrow at Steve's statement. They're the same age, more or less, but just saying how old Steve is going to be is almost enough to send Eddie spiraling again. They're barely adults, and their lives are already being cut short. It just isn't fair.

He swallows, ignoring how his throat feels like it's tightening and making breathing a little harder. )

I'll be there. I'm gonna help you through the best fucking birthday party Hawkins has ever seen.

You better believe I'm holding you to that.

( Funny how only a week ago Steve would have scoffed at the mere suggestion he invite Eddie Munson to his birthday. Now he wouldn't have it any other way. They only have to make it there.

Every inch of his body hurts. He feels as if someone's twisting knives in his belly. His entire back is on fire, and he thinks he's probably made a mistake by laying on it like this. Yet, despite the pain, he can feel sleep trying to settle its way into his bones. He's so fucking tired. But if he falls asleep, he thinks, he might not wake up. Or worse, he might wake up to find Eddie won't.

He fights his drooping eyelids and decides to keep talking. That's what they always say to do in the movies, right? Just keep talking. Help is on the way. Blah blah blah.

So, uh, yeah. Birthday parties. )

We just can't go too crazy. Henderson would kill me if he wasn't invited. I'm thinking pool party. Everybody likes a pool party.

( It's nice to think about, what's going to happen after. Even if Eddie doesn't necessarily believe they'll both make it out of here. If anyone's making it out of here alive, it's Steve.

This means anything they say probably won't leave this room, right? Eddie might be a coward; he might have run away all this time, but there's no more point in running when he's hit a dead end.

There's no more point in keeping any secrets from Steve. He probably doesn't have to worry about Steve acting poorly, even if the former jock just humors him until Eddie draws his last breath. )

Steve, there's something you should know -- ( he begins and makes a face when he realizes he's wholly veered their conversation off track. It's too late, though. Eddie's started, and now he has to finish it. ) I should've told you. ( He pauses to swallow, his breath coming a little shallower. ) Before, when you were leaving to go to the Creel house with Buckley and Wheeler. I wasn't gonna say make him pay. I fucking chickened out.

( Steve is grateful when Eddie suddenly changes the subject. He's not sure how much longer he could babble about a birthday party.

This new direction is a little confusing, though. He gets the sense that whatever Eddie has to say is important but he can't even begin to guess what it could be.

He shoots Eddie a quizzical glance. )

What do you mean?

( There's no backing down now. Even with the nerves cropping up, trying to convince Eddie he made a big mistake. Even with the 0.00001% chance that they'll make it out of here alive...Steve would probably forget about this conversation ever taking place. )

Look, I'm probably not gonna make it out of here. Shh -- don't look at me like that, I know how bad it is. If I die -- ( he squeezes his eyes shut, feels tears start to form as he struggles to find the words to tell Steve the truth. )

I want you to know. I was gonna tell you the truth. That I really fucking like you. And then I was gonna kiss you.

( Every muscle in Steve's body tenses more and more with each word out of Eddie's mouth. First because Eddie's being a little too real, but then that confession blindsides Steve and he doesn't know what to say. He's almost as dumbfounded as the day Robin came out to him.

But he doesn't recoil, and he doesn't let go of Eddie's hand. )

Eddie... ( He begins gently, but the sentence trails off when he realizes he doesn't know how to finish it. "I'm not gay" is the defense that springs instinctively to his lips, but it doesn't feel right. In this moment it seems cruel, even. )

Don't start talking like that, alright? I told you, we're both getting out of here. ( He says it like he means it. Firm, direct, and with the slightest quiver that betrays how he really feels. He has to clear his throat before he can continue. ) We'll get patched up and we'll fix this bullshit with you and the cops, and you can find someone who wasn't a total douchebag to you and your friends in high school.

( He doesn't know why, but imagining Eddie parting ways to run off with someone else unearths the same bitter sort of sadness he'd felt when he'd seen Nancy and Jonathan together that first time and realized what it meant for them, and what it meant for him and Nancy. Why should he feel that way now? He's just trying to let the poor guy down gently while keeping him bolstered enough to keep fighting.

Steve's fingers tighten their grip around Eddie's again, but he doesn't seem to notice. )

( Eddie wants to protest, but he knows it's futile. He thought he would feel better once he got that off his chest, but now it only has him feeling empty inside. On the one hand, he feels less of a weight off his shoulder now that he's not keeping it a secret that he's into guys, specifically Steve.

But what happens if they do miraculously survive? He will still have to overcome this crush that only seems to worsen the longer Steve holds his hand. )

You weren't -- you weren't a total douchebag. ( Eddie feels Steve's fingers tighten around his, and his eyes widen. At least Steve hasn't dropped his hand in disgust. That has to count for something, right? ) Besides, you're not that guy anymore, Steve.

( Steve doesn't answer right away. He looks at Eddie, really looks at him, past the blood and grime and exhaustion. He studies those big brown eyes. That hair. Those lips. He thinks about the funny pang of what had to be jealousy mixed with a little bit of grief at the thought of Eddie dating another guy.

He isn't quite ready to open that door, but he's willing to knock.

They're facing down death, side-by-side in an alternate dimension. Eddie's already bared his soul. The least Steve can do is entertain the idea that he doesn't know his own as well as he'd thought.

He's not gay. He knows he's not gay. Dudes like him don't like other dudes, but he hasn't thought dudes like Eddie did, either. )

How did you know? ( He winces with a quick shake of his head. ) Not that I'm not a douche. That's not what I mean.

How did you know you're... you know.

( Out of all the questions for Steve to ask, Eddie doesn't expect that. He sort of expected Steve would be firmly in denial. But then he thinks back to the RV and Steve looking undeniably flustered in response to Eddie's very obvious flirting.

Besides, he's already admitted to Steve that he would have kissed him back in the clearing, and Steve hasn't shoved him away and told him to save himself. He thinks maybe he can trust Steve with this story. )

All of my friends were talking about the girls they had crushes on. When it was my turn, I couldn't think of anyone. I thought I was broken, y'know? But then I met this guy. I thought he was so cool. At first, I thought, you know, I wanted to be him, like how I wanted to be Mad Max. But then my friend Jeff talked about how he would get around girls, you know, the whole sweaty palms, heart skipping a beat, fucking butterflies, the whole nine yards. I started paying attention to how I felt around this guy. And, yeah, I guess realizing I kinda wanted to kiss him was a big tip-off.

( He sighs at the memory of his first real crush. When even was the last time he thought about that? ) Spoiler alert: didn't get to kiss him. That was my first lesson in keep that fucking shit to yourself if you don't wanna get killed.

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